As I walked in the garden this morning, I couldn't help but admire the wildness of the garden. With all her weeds and heaviness from the morning dew she seemed to be revelling in an amazing unabandoned wildness.
In that moment I noticed her beauty and I was jealous.
This has been a feeling that had been arising time and time again as I observed something in women around me. And I had been really struggling with this feeling. I disliked what was being left behind even as the jealousy dissipated.
There is a saying about jealousy being a curse. And in my experience it often comes down to Sister Shadow work. A feeling of competitiveness, of being left behind, of that deep feeling of missing out. I had felt my Sister Shadow of Jealousy was heavily related to feelings of being abandoned by the mother aspects of self. But today I felt jealousy arise associated with this feeling of wild abandonment. And it is not a curse. It is a lesson!
My garden was naturally beautiful. Clearly there was neglect in her. I hadn't weeded for months. Yet here she is standing in such glory and even dare I say abundance. That was it - neglected and she seemed to be thriving. Wow is this what I was jealous about.
We all have a choice in life and even when someone does abandon us we can choose to survive, die or thrive. This is what I need to learn here. Instead of feeling all these jealous feelings of only just surviving my abandonment, I really want to thrive. So time to put away surviving and convert it into that gorgeous wildness I see in my garden and thrive.
In that moment I noticed her beauty and I was jealous.
This has been a feeling that had been arising time and time again as I observed something in women around me. And I had been really struggling with this feeling. I disliked what was being left behind even as the jealousy dissipated.
There is a saying about jealousy being a curse. And in my experience it often comes down to Sister Shadow work. A feeling of competitiveness, of being left behind, of that deep feeling of missing out. I had felt my Sister Shadow of Jealousy was heavily related to feelings of being abandoned by the mother aspects of self. But today I felt jealousy arise associated with this feeling of wild abandonment. And it is not a curse. It is a lesson!
My garden was naturally beautiful. Clearly there was neglect in her. I hadn't weeded for months. Yet here she is standing in such glory and even dare I say abundance. That was it - neglected and she seemed to be thriving. Wow is this what I was jealous about.
We all have a choice in life and even when someone does abandon us we can choose to survive, die or thrive. This is what I need to learn here. Instead of feeling all these jealous feelings of only just surviving my abandonment, I really want to thrive. So time to put away surviving and convert it into that gorgeous wildness I see in my garden and thrive.
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