In that moment I noticed her beauty and I was jealous.
This has been a feeling that had been arising time and time again as I observed something in women around me. And I had been really struggling with this feeling. I disliked what was being left behind even as the jealousy dissipated.
There is a saying about jealousy being a curse. And in my experience it often comes down to Sister Shadow work. A feeling of competitiveness, of being left behind, of that deep feeling of missing out. I had felt my Sister Shadow of Jealousy was heavily related to feelings of being abandoned by the mother aspects of self. But today I felt jealousy arise associated with this feeling of wild abandonment. And it is not a curse. It is a lesson!
My garden was naturally beautiful. Clearly there was neglect in her. I hadn't weeded for months. Yet here she is standing in such glory and even dare I say abundance. That was it - neglected and she seemed to be thriving. Wow is this what I was jealous about.
We all have a choice in life and even when someone does abandon us we can choose to survive, die or thrive. This is what I need to learn here. Instead of feeling all these jealous feelings of only just surviving my abandonment, I really want to thrive. So time to put away surviving and convert it into that gorgeous wildness I see in my garden and thrive.