It is no secret that my husband and I do not have children. We spent numerous years having fertility treatment, IVF, all the medical investigation and miscarriage that goes with that. It’s not a secret but I do choose to whom I discuss it with.
Mentally I was a basket case. I had no voice for fear of what people would say. Often comfort would be offered without thought but meant with clearly good intention. Unfortunately words of comfort does not sit well with a female coursing with out of control hormones – ask my poor husband who often copped the brunt of what I thought of these people. I am still traumatised by the years of failure, pain and the emotional roll coaster (and I am sure dear hubby is too). Hence I only bring it up very infrequently and only to those I have a special openness and sense of trust.
Physically I also suffered. Weight gain, fluid retention, hyper-stimulation and acne plagued me for years. In fact I am sure I have hormonal imbalances. I groan as I am currently reminder of the angry acne eruption on my chin, jaw and cheek I still. I am not a teenager any longer but I wear the spots like I have the out of control teenage hormones. It’s hard to have positive thoughts when you are faced with a train wreck every time you look in the mirror.
So why do I write this? Well some for aiding me to deal with my stuff but mostly to alert us women to the fact that we do carry all that generational ‘shit’. More and more I am coming to realise where my trauma is coming from and this is having a profound effect on my body and mental state.
Sure I am weepy and still suffering menstrual cramps and hormonal swings. But dealing with it is becoming easier to accept. I sit in the pain and the anger and I accept it as it is. Sometimes!
I say sometimes since some memories, some pain, some thoughts are easier to deal with than others. Mostly though I go into it and acknowledge where it is coming from and realise that it is not of me. It is from generations that come before me. It is the pain from the women who lived before me. The most comforting thought – it ends with me. Regardless of if I have children or not I have the opportunity to end the pain that the women before me experienced.
Male or Female reading this, know that you have a choice to end the pain, the hurt and the anger. Go into what it is, acknowledge and accept. You can only find freedom at the end. Perhaps some more pain hurt and anger but just like peeling an onion you will peel away the layers and find the truth beneath.
Yoga, meditation and massage can be very helpful for healing pain and trauma. In my yoga classes I ask students to focus on the breath and move the body to help shift emotional stagnation. During a Shiatsu treatment breathing and facilitated movement and stretches are used to move stagnation. Cupping and moxibustion are great adjunct to a Shiatsu massage treatment that can move sluggish energy in the body, free up knotted muscle and help to relax or stimulate as required. Various meditation techniques can assist to literally "shake" the trauma from the body. Even dance can be beneficial. Stillness meditation may not necessarily be the answer but using body sensing meditation techniques may assist some people.
Private sessions are highly valuable to addressing the healing process for moving generational pain as can group classes. I have used all of the aforementioned tools as well as others not mentioned quite successfully to move past my own generational pain. If you would like to know more about how I can help you please connect with me via email or on mobile 0438 264 354. I am available for consultations in person at Petrie or am happy to meet you at your location for the initial visit.
Yours with Ki healing